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I want to say hi to all those who are joining the Gathering. I would love to hear a little about you.
Me, well, I am out to change the world. Okay, maybe not the world but help change you. I have been a therapist all my adult life, changing lives in therapy. But I want to help create change online, because that’s where everyone is now. Let me know how you want to change.
CHANGE. It’s really interesting to me. Change was the topic of our huge annual conference that I was helping plan for April in Orlando, Florida this year. In addition, I was in planning an annual Disney World trip that has become a tradition with my daughter and her family. This year, 2020, has been full of change for me.
January was pretty much a regular January but with the planning and the summation of our organizational redesign, it didn’t seem quite as long as most years.
February 1, our President/CEO was in a cycling accident. We were told he was hurt badly but would be fine. Sadly, January 7 we received the news that he had passed away. Our board flew in, put our new interim CEO in place, and announced we would still be moving forward with the organizational redesign. His funeral was February 14. The next few weeks felt like a fog as we followed WHO and CDC on the advancement of COVID into the United States to decide if we were moving ahead with our event. We continued working, planning, excitement grew with my family as we prepared for our additional stay for a week of fun. Tickets purchased, more plans made, more work on the event – tons of work on the event. Working overtime, and watching as the world changed. It seemed gradual, but looking back over the last few weeks it really has happened fast. We waited until WHO declared the pandemic to cancel the event. We had to work at cancelling everything we had put in place. The airfare, Disney tickets we ended up waiting on so there was a deforce majeure declared so we wouldn’t lose all the money we had invested in the trip.
March 11, my little 18 month old niece passed away. They had found a brain tumor just days before and were trying to stabilize her for surgery. She never made it to surgery. I got that news early in the morning. By noon, March 11, WHO declared COVID-19 a pandemic. My world gradually changed with me watching four grandchildren so my daughter could finish up coaching at a meet they had to travel for March 12-13, to a last hike with family and sacrament and church services in my daughter’s living room on March 14. I had the hard conversation with them of what came next, as I have a health issue that places me at higher risk. Because of that risk I had to self-isolate. Away from my family. I made the hour drive back home to my sanctuary, in tears, and started to settle in. The next fews days were filled with sadness, as we learned there could be no formal gathering for my niece. My nature is to comfort others. My sister had lost another grandchild less than a year ago to an accidental drowning and I wanted to be there for her and her family! This was incredibly sad and made the whole pandemic so real to me. Our family has grieved together long distance.
I remember the evening of March 17 saying to myself. I can do this! I can do anything difficult for a short amount of time. I love my home and I’m safe. The next morning, in a sleepy trip to the restroom, I experience the jolt of a 5.7 earthquake. I’m not sure if it was because I was still drowsy, or if it was because I was in an all tile bathroom, but it shook me to my core. I wasn’t feeling well had signs of a UTI, and didn’t know what to do, didn’t feel safe in my home and wasn’t sure where I could feel safe. I ended up going to my daughters – an hour trip – where she prepped her home – sanitized the basement so I could isolate there. I entered through the back door and stayed there for the next several days while aftershocks continued. They left to go to their cabin. I stayed and took care of myself. I ended up having to go to a clinic and a pharmacy to get a prescription which made me worry / wonder if I was exposed. I started counting from that day to the 14th day and was relieved I didn’t end up sick. I ended up moving back home since I left so abruptly I wasn’t sure if everything was still okay. The aftershocks persisted and I gradually got use to them as a new part of my life.
Why all this detail? I live a pretty simple life. I work, go home, go back to work, spend time with family and friends on the weekends. I love the sabbath and look forward to the sacrament. I fast and pray every Sunday for those that I love that are having challenges. I have many friends and family who have experienced significant loss. I place their names on the prayer rolls every two weeks. Sadly, even that routine changed.
So how have I handled all this change? Some days better than others. But the one thing I have come to realize with all the isolation and time I have to think is that I can’t control everything. I have had to work on how I REACT to change. I have found that by being grateful and by serving others I have a much better outcome than reacting with fear, anxiety, negativity, and discouragement. I give myself grace for whatever I am feeling. I have learned to live more in the moment and notice the littlest of things I can be grateful for. I wake in the morning, open my blinds, and as I am in each room I say out loud how grateful I am, I repeat small “thank yous” to my Father in Heaven for everything I have. I have learned that my home, my life, my heart is a place that the spirit can dwell. I feel comforted and strengthened with that newfound knowledge that has come from this life-changing experience.
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