How is your isolation affecting your anxiety?
For me, it’s making it worse. We all have basic human needs, and the first need is to feel safe. And part of what makes us safe is being connected to others.
The social distancing policies put into place to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, COVID-19, have isolated us from friends, family, and our communities. Isolation creates loneliness, feeling lonely adds to our nervousness.
Many of us are already feeling anxious because of the uncertainty that the virus has created. Jobs are being lost, the financial markets are crashing. Death and disease are on the news every day. Without our support systems we don’t have the resources to cope, causing our upset feelings to increase all the more.
What can be done? That’s what I want to discuss with you today. Stick around and learn how to deal with loneliness and anxiety.
Hi, I’m Brett Williams. I am a licensed psychotherapist and the executive director of the GatheringofGoodPeople.com. We are a nonprofit dedicated to supporting your growth, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.
We have created this new series called ANXIOUS, to address the anxieties that have been created by the coronavirus.
Two months ago, at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, I started an Anxiety Support Group. Each week we gather together and share about how our week has gone as well as learn a new skill or idea to help deal with our anxieties.
Last week we added a texting group and got people to join the forum, and now the group can connect throughout the week. What’s happened is the anxiety has continued to drop for everyone, Especially, a gal named Jill.
Jill joined the group never having gone to therapy or having any experience really thinking about her feelings. Before the virus, life was pretty basic, work, home, eating, sleeping, and simply living the dream. But with the world being changed because of quarantine and social distancing Jill started feeling overwhelming fear and loneliness.
She never thought much about her feelings, that’s not to say she didn’t have feelings, but they were not strong and therefore didn’t seem important. Now her angst was spiking and breaking into her daily life. She joined the group to learn to understand and deal with these feelings.
What was clear was her isolation was what was triggering her anxiety. And as she shared her experience and used the group for support she felt the emotions disappearing. Separation from people created the worry and connecting to people calmed and grounded her. Connecting was the cure.
As the weeks have gone on her feelings of fear had peaks and valleys, but the overall trend has been to feel more at ease.
From a human needs point of view, when we feel anxious it’s because our base need for safety is not being met. There are seven needs in total, and if you want to learn more you can check out our 7s workshop on the resource page of the GatheringOfGoodPeople.com.
If the first of these seven needs is not met, none of the other needs matter. Feeling safe takes priority over other needs.
Safety is made of three parts,
- consistency,
- control, and
- connection.
In the pandemic we have lost the feeling of consistency, the world is changing in unpredictable ways. We also struggle with a sense of control. The virus feels very much out of control.
The last part of safety, connection, is where the problem has been the greatest. Social distancing has disconnected us from those we love and that’s formed the largest problem with feeling unsafe.
Even before the virus, our culture has become less and less connected because of the time people spend online. Our social interactions have been replaced with messaging and posting.
From the time we are in our mother’s womb to the end of life, humans are always needing and seeking connection. Being banished from the tribe has always been one of the highest forms of punishment.
Connection means protection, security, and safety.
Having healthy relationships is one of the best predictors for happiness. Positive psychology has studied those who are happiest in life, and the number one factor is meaningful relationships.
We are in a world of 7 billion people, but if we are not connected with those around us, there is no quality of life. What that means for you is… anxiety is a symptom and loneliness is the problem.
Here’s a solution. Please come join one of our support groups. Make time to call friends and family, daily if needed. If you’re being overwhelmed by what’s happening worldwide due to COVID, feeling sad, or lonely, Gathering of Good People believes that you can overcome it.
